no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
