dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
