We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
