Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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