omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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