Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
