it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
