Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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