She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
