well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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