I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
