made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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