if you like me you must not know who I am
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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