Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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