you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
