There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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