Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
