If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
