If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
