I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
