bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
