yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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