I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
