I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
