just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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