The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
