You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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