I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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