I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
