I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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