And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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