ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
