Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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