then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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