Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
