i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize