This is not my ceiling
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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