Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
