At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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