You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
3 2 1 whiskey
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize