she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
