dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She made me pour olive oil on her.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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