There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
