careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
