I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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