My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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