it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
