I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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