idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I need moral support for this bender
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
