I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
