you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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