Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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