he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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