last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
