UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
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You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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