So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
