I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
