Porn is love you can see.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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