Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and she was petting her beer can
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
