So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
