I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
