If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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