quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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