Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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