shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
