if only i could text you this smell
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
